Part I: Teaching Lifelong Skills in a PBIS Framework
Beyond Rewards and Consequences
Noticing: Helping Kids Become Self-Aware
All day long, adults expect children to regulate their words and actions in appropriate response to the situations they are in, but often without teaching them how to do so. Positive Behavior Intervention Supports (PBIS) is a multi-tiered framework that builds positive behaviors across the whole school community through clear expectations, logical consequences, and a lot teaching. Skillfully deployed, PBIS approaches take into account children’s inner context (thoughts, feelings, sensory processing) and outer context (environment, supports, experiences). In this framework, adults can use a variety of tools to help children become aware of their thoughts and feelings, manage their words and actions, and co-exist peacefully in diverse communities.
Unfortunately, PBIS is often misunderstood as a punishment or “disciplinary” system used to react to and control children’s behavior. Really, PBS uses a set of increasingly intensive strategies that sets students up for success in managing their own behavior, such as engineering the environment and teaching new skills.
Many people associate PBIS with color charts – red, yellow, and green public displays of children’s behavior or standing in the classroom. The idea of privately helping a child track their own prosocial behavior, and providing ample opportunities to demonstrate positive behavior, is very effective. However, this public chart approach can easily shame children and lead to additional challenging behavior once a child has “given up.” Responding thoughtfully to challenging behavior is also part of PBS, but it is only one element and it rests on a strong foundation of community and individual skill building, which begins with self-awareness.
In this series, we will begin by exploring how adults can use this framework to help children develop self-awareness, which leads to the ability to self-regulate, which in turn is critical to existing in community.
Adults can Model these Skills
Children, especially those who have experienced trauma, need adults who are present for them and able to manage their own feelings effectively. In the following story, imagine yourself going through a stressful start to your day.
Just before arriving at school, a driver cuts you off as you are driving/biking/walking – you have to move quickly to narrowly avoid being hit by the car. As the driver yells out the window at you with an accompanying gesture, you feel your heart racing, your hands get sweaty and you curse.
A few minutes later you’re in the cafeteria, and the kids are shouting. The noise feels unbearable and you’re still a little shaky. When Martin throws his snack and his neighbor throws it back and hollers at him to “cut it out, __face” you, a) say “knock it off!” and drop your own bag to the ground in frustration or b) pause and ask yourself:
“What is my body doing (heart, hands, eyes, mouth, etc.)?”
"What emotions do I feel (happy, sad, angry, scared, annoyed, disgusted, delighted)?”
“How can I care for myself in this moment (deep breath, count to 10, step away)?”
It’s nearly impossible to help another person identify and regulate their own feelings without practicing yourself. The pause gives you a moment to assess how you are doing, calm yourself if needed, and be ready to respond intentionally to the situation. Taking a pause also means you are more likely to respond in a way that teaches children, rather than just stops the challenging behavior. Finally, it gives you a chance to model the very skills you are teaching, so you don’t fall into the “do as I say, not as I do” trap.
Imagine what might happen during your pause:
During your pause, you notice that
Your jaw is clenched, your eyes are tight, and my chest is barely rising and falling as I take shallow, quick breaths.
I feel angry. Underneath that anger is fear, because I know that Martin can get physical with other kids and I’m afraid someone’s going to get hurt if I don’t intervene in the right way. [graphic: anger iceberg]
What do I need? That one is harder.
These little pauses can feel long, but even taking 5 seconds for a deep breath can have a huge impact on your ability to de-escalate a situation.
That last one is harder for kids, too! The first place to start is to think about what would make your body more comfortable. In this example (and, in most difficult moments), a few deep breaths would be a good place to start. With a clenched jaw and tight eyes, a round of Big Face/Small Face would help to release tension. Scrunch up your face then open it wide and stretch it out. Invite your students to participate and make it a game, if you want. After calming your body, a little space might help you assess your own and the children’s needs: taking a physical step back from the scene, or just noticing it from within an imaginary bubble around you (a bubble is filled with delicious quiet).
Sometimes, “Acting up” is a coping skill
Children have complex life stories –including difficult or even traumatic experiences - that show up in their interactions with peers and adults. Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, neglect, bullying, or witnessing violence can lead to delays in emotional development or difficulties in self-regulation. The parts of the brain responsible for identifying threats may get overworked and start interpreting possibly harmless input (“he’s looking at me funny”) as probably dangerous (“he’s going to hurt me!”).
There are many ways of dealing with these real or perceived threats: some strategies may be bothersome or even harmful to themselves or those around them (e.g. hitting or running away), and others may be positive, adaptive and prosocial (e.g. using humor, making alliances).
Coping skills such as dissociating or withdrawing, “manipulating” others, or fighting back with words or fists may work to stop a threat in the moment. Because they are effective at providing self-protection, young people will continue to use them, even if these strategies also interfere with social or academic success. When adults punish children rather than help them learn other ways of interacting, they miss an opportunity to develop lifelong skills in self-regulation.
Noticing feelings, actions, and how they are connected
Adults can help children develop alternate skills by first becoming more aware of their own behaviors and internal states, using strategies like the pause. Your language another is a powerful tool for helping children to notice, label, and connect their feelings to their actions – without judgment. “I notice that your hands are in fists and you’re using a loud voice. I’m wondering how you’re feeling right now.” or “I see that you’re resting your face on your desk. I wonder if you’re feeling bored, or maybe annoyed.” And then: “What do you notice? What signals is your body sending?” For many children, including some with autism, ADHD, or a trauma background, it may be hard to identify feelings and even harder to connect feelings to action. A chain of events can seem obvious to an adult “Joe took the book, Micah got mad, Micah hit Joe” but Micah might truly be unaware of how his inner state can drive his actions. That awareness is necessary for learning how to manage those actions.
The key to teaching self-regulation is to notice and label actions and emotions as they come up. It helps to have visual supports, like a chart of feelings words or faces [image] or a ring with feelings cards (SNIP can help you with make these! Just ask<link>). A reflection sheet may include these “pause” questions, blank space to draw what happened or how they are feeling. [link to examples at BOB] An outline of a person that can be drawn or colored on to show how different parts of the body feel can also be helpful for becoming aware of feelings and physical sensations.
Practice, Practice, Practice
It’s hard to learn a new skill when emotions are high, so practice noticing throughout the day, not just when someone is upset. When asking a child what they need in a heated moment, of course you will have already taught them some options! Practicing different strategies for calming down and for resolving conflict during circle or at other times helps them develop a repertoire of options. Some classrooms have a menu or even a board game style spinner with different options like breathing exercises, glitter jars, or calming books. Part II in this series will offer more ideas.
Putting the Pause into Action
You don’t have to wait until you’ve mastered all or any of these steps before teaching them to the children. In fact, adults and young people can learn and practice these skills together, encouraging each other to try them out. Teaching children proactively, before there is a problem, is a core element of providing universal positive behavior supports to all children.
So start today, by asking everyone how their engine is running. Hot and fired up or cold and sluggish? Or maybe just right?
In part two of this series, we will explore how to help children regulate their “engines,” with specific examples like fidgets, peace corners, and other “cool-down” options. Keep in mind that self-regulation strategies will be most effective if the individual is aware of what is going on inside.
Food for thought: Thinking about your students as adults, how will these tools help them manage the small and large frustrations of adulthood?