Part II: Teaching Lifelong Skills in a PBIS Framework

Beyond Rewards and Consequences
Self-Regulation: Finding Center or “Just Right” 

Adults use a variety of strategies to adjust our moods, energy levels and actions to meet the varying demands of our day (“self-regulation”). A brisk walk in the morning. A nap before a big night out. A candy bar in the afternoon. Meditation. Coffee. A daydream during a meeting. Chamomile tea. Some of those strategies are more effective than others, and some may have unhelpful side effects. 

Explicitly teaching self-regulation strategies to young people, and guiding them toward identifying which ones are helpful in which contexts, helps them thrive in their school communities and beyond. 

Building Skills for Life 

For children working with trauma, anxiety, or sensory and attention differences, these skills may be underdeveloped. This gap offers is a powerful opportunity for building lifelong skills, rather than just stopping unwanted behavior with threats or punishment in the moment.

This series explores how these skills can be taught and how they fit in with schoolwide approaches like Positive Behavior Intervention Supports (Part I) and Restorative Practices (Part III). Part I of this series explored the most basic level of self-regulation: beginning to notice how we are feeling, thinking, and acting (self-awareness) and if those actions are in sync with the context. 

Part II explores to support children’s positive behavior by helping them move from “out of sync” to “just right for the moment.” Keep in mind that self-regulation strategies, even well-known ones like fidgets or chill zones, are most effective if the individual is aware of what is going on inside (see Part I). 

Behavior Can and Should be Taught

“If a child doesn’t know how to read, we teach.”

“If a child doesn’t know how to swim, we teach.”

“If a child doesn’t know how to multiply, we teach.”

“If a child doesn’t know how to drive, we teach.”

“If a child doesn’t know how to behave appropriately, we…

…teach?… punish?”

“Why can’t we finish the last sentence as automatically as we do the others?”

–Tom Herner (NASDE President ) Counterpoint 1998, p.2

Children can develop prosocial, appropriate, and positive behaviors, but sometimes they need to be taught how by caring adults, and provided lots of opportunities to practice, mess up, and try again. In the following example, imagine you are an after-school teacher, looking forward to using the new Chromebooks for teaching coding skills.

Some young people are totally engaged but as you circulate you notice that Ray is slumped in her chair, eyes glossed over, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. “I’m just so tired, I can’t even focus, so I’d rather just look at cat pictures and rest my brain.” Jana chimes in, “Omg, I’m the opposite. I’m like bouncing off the walls so I need to be doing two things at once, oh! Yeah! Get ‘em, get ‘em” she shouts at the fast-moving computer game on her split screen.

With a sigh, you think about taking away the Chromebooks, sending Ray and Jana to the office, or just kicking back and checking your own newsfeed. But you realize none of those options actually teaches anything, and wonder if there’s an alternative.

What does it mean to teach self-regulation?

These two students are demonstrating considerable self-awareness of their internal states but their strategies for regulating it are backfiring: Ray slumps lower and lower in her chair as she loses energy, and Jana gets louder and louder with excitement. Both are missing out on learning opportunities, and Jana is distracting her neighbors. With the right tools both young people could more easily adjust their energy and focus to match the demands of the task at hand.

Out of Sync

One way of identifying what our internal states are and if they are in sync with the context is to think about an internal engine that sometimes runs high (a lot of energy, revving, going fast) and sometimes low (low energy, sluggish, moving slowly) and sometimes just right.  There’s nothing good or bad about any one state, but it may be incompatible with the demands of the moment (learning, socializing, etc.). Being loud, moving fast, feeling excited and maybe even a little angry can be “just right” when cheering on a sports team or playing a competitive video game. Curling up, being still and introspective can be “just right” for someone who is reading on a rainy day or home sick resting. But sometimes, how we’re feeling and acting is out of sync with the situation we find ourselves in, like both Ray and Jana in the example above. Most of the time at school, children are expected to stay in the “just right” zone, but rarely taught how to get there.

Tools to Calm, Focus, Energize

As young people become more aware of their emotional feelings and physical sensations (see Part I ), they also can learn to calm, energize, and focus themselves with increasingly more independence and less adult intervention. Many people consider sensory tools (fidgets) and breathing as ways to calm down or focus, and movement breaks as ways to energize. But really, most self-regulation strategies work to help bring us more toward center, or “just right”. Breathing deeply can be energizing, and a dozen jumping jacks can release energy, and a sensory tool can energize, calm, or just plain distract. 

Try it! How is your engine right now? Now take 3 long, slow, deep breaths. Whether you were engine was running high or low, those breaths probably brought you closer to center, to the “just right” space that you need to focus on reading this article.

First, Try This: Anytime, Anywhere Strategies

When a student is dysregulated (engine running too high or too low to be successful in their current context), these strategies can help them regulate. Even if there are only a few students who struggle greatly with regulating their behavior, introducing the “anytime, anywhere” strategies to the whole group is the most effective approach. Everyone can benefit from learning more explicit tools, and it will not single out any students. Sprinkling these into whole group time also allows many opportunities to practice. 

Here are a few simple tools that can be practiced throughout the day, in any space, and don’t require any materials. 

Anytime, Anywhere: Breathing

Square breath: Breathe in through the nose while slowly counting “in 1, 2, 3, 4” and “out 1, 2, 3, 4” while exhaling (first the leader counts, then children count silently). 

Alligator breath: Reach out the arms and clap the palms together, one on top of the other like an alligator. Open the arms slowly, while breathing in deeply through the nose, then close the arms slowly. Young kids especially like to snap the arms shut quickly – which usually gets a laugh – simply remind them that the goal is to close the arms as slowly as possible. Usually they’ll only rush it a few times.

Fix it fast: For a person who is really triggered, whose engine is running really high, six deep, slow breaths will help them return to a calm state. From there, they will be more able to choose or agree with a suggestion for further calming activities.

Note: Some breathing exercises include a pause between inhale and exhale, or closed eyes. Both of those can trigger discomfort or even panic for children who have experienced trauma, or are working with anxiety, so it’s best to leave out or introduce them as options.

Anytime, Anywhere: Small Movements

Hug Yo’self: Cross arms and give yourself a big hug. Switch direction of the cross and hug again.

Push-Pull: Sitting up tall or standing, push hands together in a prayer shape while breathing in, clasp fingers and try to pull apart while breathing out.

Eye Roll: Sitting or standing still, start by looking in all four corners. Then, try to move the eyeballs around in a smooth, slow circle without moving the head. Switch directions. It’s probably really choppy – keep practicing!

Anytime, Anywhere: Big Movements

Shakedown: Raise one hand and shake it while counting backwards from 10. Do the same thing for the other hand, then each foot. Start again with 9 shakes for each limb, then 8, etc.)

Freeze Dance: Music plays and everyone dances. Music pauses, and everyone pauses. Repeat. Children choose who big or small to make their dance moves. Remind everyone to find and stay in their own “dance bubble.”  

Anytime, Anywhere: Take a Break

Peace Tree: Identify a safe place to calm down and relax in any environment. For example, at the park choose a tree as the “peace tree” to sit under, lean against, or give a big hug. Model going there and taking a few deep breaths. Let kids know that they can take a break there.

Water break: With students who really have a tough time, have a private conversation with them. Ask them if being able to walk away from a situation would help them calm down and take care of themselves. If so, suggest a “water break” with an agreed upon signal between you. They can go into the hall, grab some water, and save face (so important for adolescents).

Easy, Portable Classroom Strategies

These strategies require some planning, specific materials, introduction and practice. Like any self-regulation strategy, they’re most effective when they have been taught to the whole group, and practiced during a reasonably calm moment.

Here are some examples of classroom strategies:

• A calm down kit might include a sand timer, a glitter jar, putty or play dough, cards with yoga poses, or other small, individual activities that can occupy the hands and mind.

• Mindful coloring can be as simple as having crayons and paper available, or more elaborate with prompts or line drawings to color in.

• Fidgets (or sensory tools) are well known self-regulation tool. Again they can be simple (pipe cleaners, rubber bands), home-made (balloons filled with sand or flour), or more elaborate (store-bought puzzles). What’s important is that for any child, it helps them focus, calm, or energize without being a distraction. Learning to evaluate how helpful the tools are is a valuable skill for young people to learn, so many teachers will give time to try out a tool and rate it.  

Other considerations: 

More input or less Input

Sometimes, there is just too much going on around us, and we need less noise, light, people, etc. Sometimes we need more. Noise canceling headphones can make a world of difference for some children. Fidgets, or desk tools like Velcro under the desk or a stretchy band on the chair legs, can provide additional sensory input.

Self-regulation doesn’t happen in a bubble – {co-regulation}

Young people are very capable of learning to manage their own “engines.” They may listen to what you say but will learn more from watching how you handle your own feelings and thoughts. No pressure! See Part I for more on modeling these skills.

“This is stupid” — What if it doesn’t work?

A child may refuse to participate or even seemingly sabotage these strategies because they feel unseen or unheard, or because they truly can’t regulate their emotions and actions in that moment. In that case, sometimes simply reflecting back the child’s experience “Mm-hm, it sounds like you really don’t like doing this” and giving a little space may be your best strategy in the moment.

What’s the Point?

In part one, you read about some of the challenges in children’s lives, even traumatic experiences, that can make it difficult to manage their feelings and their actions. It’s very hard to be in community, or to learn, without being able to self-regulate! Instead, when young people have strategies for centering themselves, they are more able to take positive social or academic risks like trying a hard math problem, or starting a conversation with a “cool kid.” They are also more likely to pull back and calm down when upset, rather than escalating into a disruptive or unsafe behavior.

So start today, by inviting the whole class to take some alligator breaths before that bumpy transition back from recess.

In Part III of this series, we will explore how self-regulation supports building community, including restorative practice circles. Circles are a perfect time to teach regulation skills in calm moments, and practice them “in the wild” when tough stuff comes up in conversation.

Food for thought: Thinking about your students as adults, how will these tools help them manage the small and large frustrations of adulthood?

Make sure you read Part I and then keep reading for Part III